I just got finished watching a very intense episode of Ghost Whisperers I DVR'd from ION television. In it there was a guy who had a bucket list. What happened in the episode and the events surrounding it really aren't important. What is important is this bucket list. We really don't know when we are going to die, the how surrounding it or even the why. We just know we will . That some day our bodies will give out and we will go onto whatever else is out there for us. Some of us believe it is a heavenly place full of angels and deceased relatives and friends. Some of us believe we are reincarnated into another body whether it be human or animal. Some believe we float around on Earth until things in our formal lives are resolved causing the apparitions people talk so much about. Some of us have no belief and go on thinking that our lives are really meaningless and we are living just to live or survive. We have no hope , no dreams and no future because once our bodies give out that at any time we pass on we are no longer. We no longer have the feelings we do, we can't touch those around us or see what we once did or hear the birds chirping in the everyday morning.
We think a lot about death but we really don't know we do. Every day something happens that a "What if" situation pops in my mind or a " Why " did that little boy have to die? "Why" did that rapist live ?
With news of everyday tragedies and things that happen for "no reason" we wonder if there really is a reason to "live" . Is there really a reason to wake up every morning and do the same thing we do everyday? Even if once and awhile we mix it up.
My Aunt Terry passed away December 09. She died with no one around her and was found in her home two days later. Her work tried to contact her , people that knew her called her. Not one person really went over there to knock on the door. If they had , would she be alive today ? Would she be the same Aunt Terry I knew or some kind of horrid vegetable tied to tubes in a sanitized hospital room? Or would she have made it at all? Was it "her time" as everyone says?
Did she know she was going to die?
Before her passing she started planning things like wills, insurance (we thought), talking to old family members (her brothers) or trying to. She started following pod casts about God . I don't know if she started attending church because we never spoke of that. I do know that all of a sudden for some unknown reason she tried to find God... she tried to find a reason to live or she tried to prepare for death.
Do we have the premonition we will die?
This guy knew because he had a terminal illness and was given just weeks to live. He made this bucket list that even included making the perfect Denver omelet and not so ordinary skydiving from a plane. Some of these things are quite ordinary that we wish to do and some of them we want to do because of some fear we want to overcome before something happens to us, to find adventure in the solemn world we know it to be, or just for the sake of doing it. If you are going to die you might as well fight off a grizzly bear naked in the woods with just a key to protect you, walk up the highest mountain throwing your rope downward towards the ground as you try to survive your way back with nothing, or burn yourself on a frying pan trying to accomplish a cooking task that you never would have tried before. We might even start talking to God.
I don't know still if God exists. I have complications with this thought process. On one hand I feel a presence that I know to be something else is out there. I have been through quite a bit and I am still here . The reasons I am here are unknown. Maybe it was to be a mother to this beautiful little girl or maybe it is a higher purpose. We don't quite know why we are here and what our purpose is or if we have any all we know is we live . Some of us live for the moment and some of us just survive.
Everyday that you walk into your work place you look around do you feel you belong there or do you simply feel like you belong somewhere else? Why did you choose that career in the first place? Do you even care? Are you just there for the money?
Things like this in life , these thoughts we have, cause a lot of us stress , lack of sleep and even depression of all forms. We can't handle it , we can't handle the constant thoughts of waking up to the same old life that we aren't happy with. But , how do we go from here to there and find that happiness? Are we really happy with what we are living with? The decisions we make to have that happiness might affect others as well and how do you spill that out of your soul. How do you drip that from your heart everyday knowing that what you do effects the lives of others.
I don't really know if things happen for a reason. I kind of believe they do. I believe that everybody is connected. Take Spider Man for example (and not because I am a comic freak) seriously. Peter Parker walked out of that office after the guy got ripped off by the robber. He could have taken out that guy with just flicking him with his finger pretty much instead he chose to let him go. Then this guy who made off with the money wound up killing his Uncle Ben. You are thinking , " but that is just a comic book!," you are right but if you look around things like this happen everyday. In the streets one man's decision to walk away from a woman getting mugged is another person's tragedy. Why do we just look and not do anything? Why do we let our fear get in the way? Aren't we here on the same moldy planet like the next guy? Why don't we do something?
I have always stood up for what I believe in , whether other people took it for granted who knows. I know , however, that sometimes what I believed in got me in trouble. But, I did it. I did it and that is what truly mattered. I mattered. I tried to make a difference. I tried to help. Sometimes helping isn't good enough. We look but we don't see, we hear but we don't listen. WE breathe and WE die.
I don't know where I am going with this except for this I am who I am, you are who you are. We all have our bucket lists but we just don't hold to them and then it is to late to do anything about it.
I often think about a friend of mine who was shot the bucket list he had in his soul. He wanted to do better , he wanted to make a difference . He never got the chance to shine.
So , maybe we should all do a to-do list. Even if it is once a day to say #1) Help someone with a drink of water or #2) pay my bill in advance so I don't get shut off (which helps you , the bill company and those around you who it might effect if your bill gets shut off...#3) Volunteer somewhere like a hospital for kids. . . #4) be there for your family no matter what #5) make the perfect Denver omelet...
LIVE
Just live.
And breathe.
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